In Loving Pursuit

"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved." -Victor Hugo

How would you make your spouse fall in love with you again if they could not remember you?  Or, more commonly, if they could not forget a time of great difficulty?  “The Vow” is a film loosely based on the true story of a couple who experienced tragedy and had to reclaim love and relationship. Leo and Paige were in a car accident which caused her to suffer memory loss, forgetting the past five years including the time they met, fell in love and married.  Leo sought to win her heart all over again.

This recurring theme, the words of their vows, echoes throughout the film:  “I vow to fiercely love you and all your forms now and forever. I promise never to forget this is a once in a lifetime love ... and no matter what challenges carry us apart we'll always find a way back to each other.” 

What sustains your marriage?  I was thinking about this today.  Several times I have heard people say they married their own perceptions of their spouse.  Then after marriage they found out who the real person was and chose to love that person.  Kind of awkward.  But with us, I don’t think that was the case.  We talk for hours a day sometimes, so when we were dating and engaged we communicated so often on a deep level that we knew one another quite well.  I fell in love with his brilliant mind and caring heart.  He had a glimpse of what was in store when I got out of the car one evening and started dancing down the street, but it was many years before he danced across a pedestrian bridge with me.  And I saw the stressful weight of future responsibility affecting him.  He sometimes says I am a kite and he holds my string.

Our backgrounds provide the framework for different outlooks on life.  His view of family was survival and keeping the peace.  I had a deep sense of security in my family, so our outlook was to enjoy life and explore opportunities.  Our personalities differ as well, but we share love, respect, common interests, a strong commitment to God and one another, and a sense of mission in life.  As Antoine de Saint-Exupery said "Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction." (Note quotes by two French guys in a love article.)  Moreover, we need to be embraced by a God-inspired, God-sized vision for our lives and marriages which fills and sustains us because of Jesus, His love, purpose and grace.

Most of the trials we have endured happened because of our life calling and choices on the mission field in Eastern Europe.  Because we share common goals and hearts to serve in that part of the world, we chose not to allow those hardships to come between us.  But there have been times when extreme difficulty or trials would cause one of us to shut down or shut out the other due to pain, self-protection or misunderstanding.

During such times, a partner has a choice.  Do you seek to pursue your husband or wife in loving ways?  When we do this, love deepens and we learn more about unconditional love, how to meet the needs of another, and we find that we can get past a difficult time.  We find that the feelings return as well.  Date nights or lunches are important, even when life is busy or finances are tight you can plan a date at home or in the beautiful outdoors.  I watch war and spy films with Mike (I really enjoy them), and he enjoys a night at the ballet and an elegant dinner out with me.  Forgiveness is key too.  It seems that every other day there is a news article about a couple getting a divorce because they have grown apart or don’t love one another any more. But what is the foundation for their marriages?  Stay together as long as they have feelings for one another and as long as the other person doesn’t get in the way of their personal goals and happiness?

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a famous theologian and pastor who died in prison in Nazi Germany before he was able to marry his fiance, wrote "It is not your love that sustains the marriage but ... the marriage that sustains your love."  Our covenant before God is not to be taken lightly, causing two to become one.  When we value marriage as our most important relationship, we consider how our decisions affect our marriage, not just ourselves.   And we take the time to enjoy one another, learning how to meet the needs of one another while we trust God to meet our deepest needs.  Many marriages never deepen to the point of intimate belonging, mutual understanding and compassionate love.
  

Kim Carpenter, the real-life husband who inspired “The Vow” said "We live in a society where vows are constantly broken...Years ago, till death do us part meant the death of a soul mate; today it's the death of a marriage that society has accepted. . . We don't have a story without God.  And that story really is about commitment – commitment to Him and commitment in marriage."  His wife, Krickitt, said, "You have trials in your life and you have to keep persevering."  Another important aspect of a loving, healthy marriage is that it makes our children secure and gives them a strong foundation for their future families.  This is not an insignificant side affect, but an important legacy for generations to follow.  So love up!

The Damascus Road Encounter

To have an encounter with, to meet, the omnipotent God instead of merely aligning ourselves with impotent religious traditions and laws is our greatest need today as it was thousands of years ago.  Nothing short of this will change us.  We cannot save ourselves any more than we can give breath to life.

But first we need to be convinced God is real. And not only to be convinced, but to encounter Him personally while on this wonderful, arduous and often confusing journey of our lives none of us asked to be on. Even if we are on a determined course in complete opposition to the claims of Jesus Christ.

Like Saul on the road to Damascus.  

The Apostle Paul (whose given name was Saul) wrote a major portion of the New Testament, writings which shaped Christian doctrine.  His brilliant letters shed light on many aspects of faith in Jesus Christ and practical living.  So it may be hard to believe that this man once violently opposed Christianity, entering homes and dragging believers off to prison, casting his vote in hearty agreement to send them to death.

Saul was raised a devout Jew in Palestine, becoming a Pharisee, a scholar and expert on Jewish law.  He thought the claims of Christianity were blasphemous.  How could Jesus claim to be the Son of God?  His life mission was to put a stop to such an insult to the pure faith he cherished.  He was greatly feared by Christians in the region.  When he set off on the road to Damascus, he was determined to imprison anyone in Damascus who believed in Jesus.

Then Saul had an unexpected encounter.  On the road, he met the risen Jesus.  The encounter is described in the Bible:  “As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’ ‘Who are you, Lord?’ Saul asked.  ‘I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,’ he replied. ‘Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.’ ”

The change was dramatic and lasting.  He was blind for a period of days, then began to preach that Jesus was the Son of God and God’s forgiveness boldly in the synagogues. This was a man on fire.  And he had to have known the ramifications since he himself had persecuted followers of Jesus.  He knew he could be killed.  So after being whisked away to safety, he went on to preach the Gospel in city after city. His new name, Paul, means “asked of God” as he had been chosen to reach those outside of the Jewish faith.    

In case we doubt his encounter, consider what he went through for the sake of his faith: He was beaten and imprisoned numerous times, often to the point of death. He was whipped and stoned. He was shipwrecked three times, spending a night and day in the middle of the sea. He was in danger from robbers, spies, wild animals, and enemies who wanted to kill him. He endured starvation, extreme cold, and exposure.  And he suffered these great hardships with joy!

The term "Damascus Road conversion" is now commonly used to refer to an abrupt about-face on a serious issue of religion, philosophy or perhaps politics. But Paul was incapable of accomplishing this about-face, or repentance, without God revealing Himself to him.  While not all encounters with Jesus Christ are so dramatic, His invitation to know Him is given to all.  It may happen during the course of a conversation, reading the Bible, or a moment of desperate prayer.

Jesus is inviting you to encounter Him on the Damascus road today. 

As Paul said: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.”  (Romans 1:16)

The World in 2012: 12 Ways to Make a Difference

As we peer into 2012, ringing in the new year, the world is in a state of economic uncertainty and political upheaval.  Hardships persist.  After ringing in the new millenium in Ukraine, a young woman said she was hoping to wake up the next day and find that she and her circumstances were somehow different as if a mystical transformation would take place.  But she was the same.  The same problems stared back at her when she looked in the mirror and she was disappointed.  The transformation we need takes place in our perspectives and in whom we place our trust.  God seeks to embrace us, lift us out of our pain, frustration and deep fatigue and restore our souls.  He encourages us to take hold of faith, clinging to Him who holds our dreams as we believe and work for the seemingly impossible in 2012.

We can draw inspiration from the lives of three individuals in greatly diverse fields who passed away this year leaving legacies of far-reaching impact on our world, changing the way we think, live and interact:  John Stott, a prolific author credited with shaping 20th century evangelical Christianity; Vaclav Havel, Czech playwright, dissident and politician; and Steve Jobs, our modern-day Thomas Edison, innovator and entrepreneur. 

The legacy of John Stott

1.  Make a commitment to study the Bible.

Stott woke up at 5:00 a.m. daily to read the Bible and pray for hundreds of people before breakfast.  For more than 50 years, he read the entire Bible annually.

"We must allow the Word of God to confront us, to disturb our security, to undermine our complacency and to overthrow our patterns of thought and behavior.” – John Stott

2.  Make a commitment to social responsibility, starting with the needs of those around us.

“Social responsibility becomes an aspect not of Christian mission only, but also of Christian conversion. It is impossible to be truly converted to God without being thereby converted to our neighbor.” – John Stott

3.  Mentor others – see the tremendous value and need for mentoring and take the time to do so.

John Stott wrote more than 50 books, crafted the Lausanne Covenant, a defining statement which launched the world evangelical movement, and an Anglican preacher, but many knew him as a mentor who personally and profoundly touched their lives.  Billy Graham considered him a mentor. 

4.  Be salt and light in the world.

“We should not ask, ‘What is wrong with the world?’ for that diagnosis has already been given. Rather we should ask, "What has happened to salt and light?" – John Stott

5.  Learn how to communicate effectively and clearly.

"He wasn't Billy Graham," Richard J. Mouw, president of Fuller Theological Seminary said, "but he just exuded wisdom. He was able to take difficult topics and make them plain for people who are not all that tuned in to high-level intellectual discussion, yet he had the respect of scholars. He was one of those bridge figures."

The legacy of Vaclav Havel

6.  Stand up for what is right, even if it may cost you.

A playwright, politician, dissident and intellectual, Havel gained international fame with Charter 77, a human rights manifesto which led to multiple imprisonments by the communist regime.

7.  Be humble.

“As soon as man began considering himself the source of the highest meaning in the world and the measure of everything, the world began to lose its human dimension, and man began to lose control of it.” – Vaclav Havel

8.  Keep your joy and child-like wonder.  Be an artist, in the classic sense or otherwise.

Havel was known to roller skate in the palace in Prague.

9.  When confronted with lies and hatred, respond with truth and love.

Havel may best be remembered as a symbol of democracy and freedom who once said "truth and love must prevail over lies and hatred".

The legacy of Steve Jobs

10.   Use your abilities to make a difference in the world.  Be innovative, while maintaining focus and simplicity.

Or as Jobs said he desired to “make a dent in the universe”.   It would be difficult to overstate the impact of his life and legacy.  I don't think many of us would know how to go back to a world without Apple products.

11.  Stay married to your spouse.

Jobs did that as well.  This has a greater impact on our world than we may realize and affects generations.       

12.  Follow your heart and passions in life.  Don’t just settle.

And so I end with these words . . .

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do." – Steve Jobs

What will be your legacy?  Endeavor to make a difference in 2012.  And may it be by the grace of Jesus Christ, bringing honor to God.

Comfort and Joy

Telling stories breathes life into them, habitations built with words instead of brick and mortar.  I remember as Christmas approached during my early childhood we would deck the halls, then my father would lift me into his arms and carry me around to see the dazzling ornaments, especially the ones too high for me to enjoy from afar.  He would talk about the meaning of the nativity, the angels, and the lights.  The wonder of traditions steeped in meaning instilled a deep sense of peace, joy and belonging – a sense of belonging to something far greater and profound than my tiny life, yet intimate, loving and near. And when I went to bed, visions of sugarplums danced in my head.  And lyrics to songs of joy, “let every heart prepare Him room”, started to form a habitation for Jesus Christ in my heart.

Over the years I recreated meaningful holidays for our girls as we have lived in other countries.  When they were young in Ukraine, we would sled and play in the snow, then get toasty by the fire with mugs of hot chocolate while singing carols by candlelight.  Ukraine is a magical place for children during the Christmas season because you celebrate Christmas twice.  We celebrated with our family and expat friends in December and with Ukrainian friends during Orthodox Christmas in January.  In recent years, one young Ukrainian woman was especially touched by the warmth of love and joyful celebration.

Lilia grew up without a father and decided to become an atheist as a girl because religion was devoid of meaning for her.  She stayed away from religious people, thinking they were irrelevant and dictatorial.  So she made a brave step one day to join our discussion group at a cafe just before the holiday season began.  She knew no one in the group, but fit in immediately.  Lilia possessed a sharp mind and wit, and was always ready to engage in our lively discussions about character, truth, and the meaning of life.  Whenever she would debate, she had the most winning smile.  I once mentioned to her that even if a person disagreed with her, they would love her smile.  

“Oh, but I am not usually this way,” she said.  “I am just so happy when I am here.  I never knew Christians could be so normal and talk about the questions I have about life in a real, meaningful way.”

We invited her to our Christmas party where we sang about the One who gives meaning to life.  And as the lights lit up the tree, she knew a light was beginning to illuminate her mind and heart for the first time.  “I am beginning to change how I view things,” she said one day.  “I know now that God is real.”  She began to see that the Christian creation, fall, redemption account made sense and shed light on her questions about life.  C. S. Lewis wrote that he believed in God “as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” Building a relationship with Lilia, caring for her, and engaging her in the deep questions she had about life and God, was a supernaturally natural experience.  God touched her as only He can, but she felt the freedom to be accepted and cared for by us whether or not she accepted what we were saying.  

God is the ultimate Playwright who has written clues about Himself into the universe and into the intricacies of our hearts, and our stories begin to make sense in light of the wonderful miracle of His story we celebrate during this season. 

“ ‘She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.’  All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet:  ‘The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel’ ” (which means “God with us”) Matthew 1:23

The Greatness of Goodness

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”    (Matt. 5:14)

The power of a good deed is sometimes underestimated. We often think only the most heroic deeds and individuals are worthy of mention. While reading “The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” I often thought of the indomitable stand Churchill took against the aggressive evil of Hitler. A person of great courage, wit and leadership, he stated “a man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures - and that is the basis of all human morality.” As a leader, he took a stand against the greatest evil of his day and would not negotiate or back down. He did what he must.

But in the context of our daily lives, how often do people do what they must in spite of personal consequences, obstacles, dangers and pressures? The act of a person helping a man who had been robbed and injured may seem small, but Jesus considered it significant enough to use the parable of the good Samaritan as an example. In this biblical parable it was a member of the despised race of the day, a Samaritan, who helped a man who was left for dead by the roadside and not the two religious leaders who passed him by. The religious leaders probably talked about doing good deeds, but they were too busy or unaware to help someone in need. Or perhaps they thought they were above it. Our light shines against the dark backdrop of this world with all of its evil, problems and desperation through our ACTIONS, not just our words.

After relating the parable Jesus asked “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:36-37)

We can follow the example of the Good Samaritan, who did the following:

1. He was aware of the person in need and was not too caught up in his own life to notice.
2. He helped the person in need, going out of his way to do so.
3. He took responsibility to follow through.
4. He committed his time and resources to help.

A poor boy from a remote mountain village ran into his burning house to rescue his younger brother from the flames. He suffered severe burns, but his family had no money for shoes and basic needs, let alone medical treatment. Through providing treatment, comfort and care the door to reaching many in his and other mountain villages opened to my friend Nadia in Ukraine. As a missionary in Asia and Eastern Europe, I have experienced firsthand how important our actions are in reaching people. The supremacy of Christ and the centrality of the Gospel are not only compatible with social responsibility, they are inseparable. In the western world as well, economic instability is creating a culture in greater need of personal, compassionate touch.

Such acts of mercy or compassion can be carried out by anyone. Acts of compassion are powerful and can provide opportunities to build relational bridges in nations rife with poverty, racial tension and injustice. When played out against the backdrop of evil, these simple acts are truly great and can open the door for opportunities to communicate the truth of God because we have demonstrated the love of God. But acts of compassion can cost us greatly because we become involved in the lives of the desperate and needy of this world. In so doing we identify with Christ and are strengthened by His love and grace, receiving much in return.

Silent Injustice

Injustice screams in silence

Because we deafen our ears

We stare, incredulous

And walk by

Disbelief blinding us from

An evil we can’t reconcile
With our dream bubble

Yet we create

A tempest in a teapot

Over traffic, delays, offenses

Mere trifles

Injustice, can you scream louder?

Because children are dying
I said, injustice can you scream louder?

Children are suffering,

Dying

Here in the devil’s playground

Facing Challenges with a Faith-Growth Mindset

Scarcity or Abundance?

Many strive to be well-known, successful in the their field and reach “the top”.  And in an environment where this is lauded, you often see a few people who are up front and they remain static, you don’t see a new crop of talented people emerging. Actually, there is a study which proves that praising intelligence and talent doesn’t foster self-esteem and accomplishment, but jeopardizes them.  In this environment, people think they are entitled to their positions and lose perspective, while new or younger people are afraid to try thinking they may fail and miss the mark of being labeled one of the "talented" or "smart" ones.  This alienates people instead of creating an environment for healthy growth and mentoring relationships.  In short, there is scarcity of opportunity instead of abundance. This type of organization fosters a fixed mindset. Churches can be this way.  So can schools.  The very places in greatest need of tenderly nourishing and encouraging growth.

All for One, One for All

The other perspective is that there are unlimited possibilities for everyone to make a difference and to do something significant with their lives for a greater purpose, to honor the God who created them. In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—intelligence and talent (or giftedness) are just the beginning.  This perspective creates a love of learning and a resilience essential for great achievement.  The infinite-personal God gives us the gift of a life of purpose uniquely our own, but connected with the body of Christ. We can encounter challenges with courage and self-worth, and grow through them. And we can mentor and encourage the next generation to become all that they can be without fear of losing our positions.

Two Mindsets: Fixed or Growth

I talk with people who have destructive mindsets, leaving them in a fog of discouragement and morass of unrealized dreams when they encounter challenges. Emerging on the other shore ready to zealously explore new territories takes more than wishful thinking and Oprah-esque tips for self-improvement. True enlightenment comes from God and knowing His perspective of ourselves, our challenges and where we should go from here.

Carol Dweck, Stanford psychologist and author of “Mindset”, a book about a fundamental difference in thinking found that aptitude and raw talent have little to do with how far children will journey in life when they reach adulthood. Furthermore, she found that how people respond to challenges and failure depends, not on their failure, but on their mindset. A fixed mindset leads you to think that failure is enduring and defines your self-worth and abilities. A growth mindset leads you to embrace challenges and put forth effort in order to learn and grow, while seeing your self-worth as separate from success or failure.

People who embrace the fixed mindset, or unknowingly live in its grip, think in the following ways:

• I am either talented or gifted or not. I can do nothing to change this.
• If I fail, this proves I am not one of the gifted/talented people.
• I should only attempt things that are a sure thing.
• I am afraid someone will come along who is more talented or smarter than I am.
• Criticism reinforces that I am a failure and unworthy.
• Intelligence is static.

People who embrace the growth mindset think in the following ways:

• I embrace challenges because they will make me stronger.
• My self-image is not tied to how I appear to others or to success.
• Doing anything well requires effort.
• I can enjoy the process of growing and learning and eventually master skills.
• Feedback from others will help me improve.
• Intelligence can be developed.

Developing a New Mindset: A Faith-Growth Mindset

We can develop a Faith-Growth mindset which places our hope in God and knowing He is working in our lives and our world, while realizing it takes effort and continuous learning to get where we need to go and overcome the challenges we face in life. We can be encouraged by the faith hall of famers in Hebrews chapter 11 in the Bible who persevered and accomplished great things even though they suffered and did not finish all that they set out to do in their lifetimes. The legacy of faith was passed on to the next generation, and to us. 

Jesus stated it well with this simple, powerful phrase: “With God, all things are possible”.

It’s Not About Us Anyway

As Count Zinzenndorf, founder of the Moravian Church, said, “Preach the gospel, die and be forgotten.”

There is great comfort in losing ourselves for something greater than ourselves. For a greater cause, a greater purpose than our own egos, for the fame of someone who is altogether worthy of the worship of our hearts and commitment of our lives.

Vision: Formation and Development

A vision is often born out of a concern that something is not as it should be and someone should rectify it. And then the person who has the audacity to think such thoughts realizes they are the man or the woman to see it through; not do it all, but to see it through. It becomes a stewardship, a passion which must be developed into a plan in order to mature and become reality. When played out against the creation – fall –redemption narrative of our world, compassionate vision is necessary to see potential in people, in relationships, in culture, in every sphere.

Embracing a vision sometimes requires stepping outside of our fear, insecurity and pride. To adopt an HIV positive child of another race. To pursue a new business venture. To speak out in the face of injustice. To ask for forgiveness and work on a difficult marriage. To reach out to a group of people who have a different lifestyle. To make a contribution, but remain anonymous.

Living in the former Soviet Union provides a multitude of opportunities for vision because there are needs everywhere you turn, so it becomes vital to focus our efforts. I wrote the following in response to my friend Nadia Povalinska’s amazing photograph (above). You may feel the same way when you are carrying a vision.

The Visionary

The disparity between vision and realization

The now and the not yet

The real and the ideal

Could lead to slight insanity

And despair

If it were not for God

If it were not for heaven

From where else do we derive this sense

Of perfect love

Perfect beauty

Perfect truth?

When I’m lost in a haze

Searching for peace

Wanting to find that place

Where earth and sky meet

He whispers in the still moments

At His feet

It’s through the humble door

Of My loving, boundless, extravagant

Grace

We first consider what should be done, then how. Here are a few practical building blocks for vision from Andy Stanley’s book Visioneering. He uses the term “visioneering” to mean the engineering of a vision and uses the example of Nehemiah who heard about the devastation of Israel and set out with compassion, determination and a plan to do something about it.

1. A vision begins as a concern
2. A vision does not necessarily require immediate action
3. Pray for opportunities and plan as if you expect God to answer your prayers
4. God is using your circumstances to position and prepare you to accomplish His vision for your life
5. What God originates, he orchestrates
6. Walk before you talk; investigate before you initiate
7. Communicate and cast your vision to the appropriate people at the appropriate time
8. Don’t expect others to take greater risks or make greater sacrifices than you have
9. Don’t confuse your plans with God’s vision
10. Visions are refined – they don’t change; plans are revised – they rarely stay the same
11. Respond to criticism with prayer, remembrance and if necessary, a revision of the plan
12. Visions thrive in an environment of unity; they die in an environment of division
13. Abandon the vision before you abandon your moral authority
14. Don’t get distracted
15. There is divine potential in all you envision to do
16. The end of a God-ordained vision is God
17. Maintaining a vision requires adherence to a set of core beliefs and behaviors
18. Visions require constant attention
19. Maintaining a vision requires bold leadership

One Resolution: Faith in a Faithful God

As we celebrated the New Year at Maidan (Independence Square) in Kiev with thousands of jubilant people I thought if the euphoric hope for a better year could be bottled and sold on grim days it would significantly boost the economy. But wishes and good cheer do not lead to improvement. After the countdown to the new year, the clock keeps on ticking and we find ourselves going somewhere in life – good or bad. We can’t stand there forever in the glow of fireworks and falling snow. We can’t wish our difficulties away, wave a magic wand, and wake up different. It is wise to evaluate where we are in our relationships, finances, careers and goals and set our compass for the best destination. But how?

Trust in God and His faithfulness
I met a university student for coffee a few days ago. She said she and her boyfriend had been talking about how our family always seems happy. “You must have difficulties too,” she said. “What is your secret?” I said we definitely go through difficulties, but we have joy which doesn’t depend on our circumstances because we trust in God. But this kind of trust means to cling to, rely on and place everything in God’s hands because of who He is. This trust grows because we have seen His faithfulness over the years.

Obey Him
You can’t just say you trust God, you have to set your priorities, goals, and lifestyle according to His ways. When we go our own way in disregard of His commandments, we shouldn’t be surprised when we get in trouble. The word “obey” causes the modern man to bristle, but if we have settled the idea that God exists and is a rewarder of those who seek Him (Heb 11:6) , we can see the wisdom of obedience. Troubles sometimes happen when we do obey God, but we enjoy His pleasure and nearness in the midst of them.
Psalm 23

Cultivate Faith, not Fatalism
In general, people have reasons for not believing or trying: things didn’t work out before, they have special circumstances, you don’t understand how bad things are in their nation, etc. But we don’t get anywhere worth going without faith. When we envision anything worth going persuing, faith is the fuel which keeps us joyfully moving ahead. We have to cultivate faith and protect it or we could wander in the wilderness just outside of our Promised Land in a malignant holding pattern of doubt and bitterness. How do you feel when you spend time with someone who has an infectious, joyful faith? Encouraged? Energized? You can be sure they have habits which keep their faith strong. You can develop those habits.

Let’s set our moral compass toward God and accomplish great things this year by faith.

“With the goodness of God to desire our highest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it, and the power of God to achieve it, what do we lack? Surely we are the most favored of all creatures.”
Tozer

The Need for Life Coaching

I’m sitting in this posh coffee shop feeling like I am not in Kiev for the moment, except for the smoke wafting through the air. I am supposed to be enjoying London and attending a training conference to learn how to effectively coach people in life and ministry. Instead, an unpronounceable volcano in Iceland erupted, spewing out ash directly in our flight pattern and so I sit. And ponder. And let my thoughts wander and hopefully coalesce into a blog post.

I think back to a few months ago when, after leaving this coffee shop, I had an epiphany (epiphanies often occur after coffee): all of our LIFE+ English Clubs for Ukrainian students fit in the category of life coaching through conversational English. We primarily cover topics on leadership, relationships and life issues. Then I considered what was lacking in this nation, and that was it. People yearn for and need mentoring in these areas. I knew we were on to something that had the potential to reach a generation.

My world intersects with Kiev street kids about twice a month when I take some Russian-speaking youth from an international Christian school to interact with the kids at a shelter. The kids are brought to this government shelter from the street and they cannot leave until they are relocated. The guys often play sports with the guys there, then eat and hang out with them. Sometimes we plan discussions on practical and spiritual topics. The girls do crafts, dance hip hop and also have similar discussions. But at times the place can be intimidating and it is easy to feel that our efforts are so minimal when these kids’ lives are so tough. I was considering ending this outreach in May because I had not developed a full program that met my level of satisfaction and accomplishment.

So last week, on the verge on quitting, I took a group to the shelter. And while I was there, the woman in charge of the day to day happenings stopped me and said that we were their favorite group. I asked her why, since our outreach was so simple. She said, “You don’t understand. Adults come here and lecture. They come in with programs, but you are the only one who is bringing young people who can relate to them. They see them as examples.” I realized that what we were doing, simple as it was, was tremendously powerful because we cared enough to connect and relate to these often forgotten kids. I also realized that something inside of me was not allowing me to celebrate success until it reached a level that I deemed good enough. A weight fell off of me as I left and celebrated the good in what we were doing.

Young people need loving mentoring. And we who are trying to make a difference in their lives need to embrace the value in it.  Many missed out on mentoring in their own lives, but it is possible to break the cycle of relational neglect and get involved on an intimate level with some of the people around us who can learn from us.  Attending a conference or listening to a speaker is not enough. There has been a paradigm shift away from top-down, up front ministry to relational, engaging, interactive ministry.

Here is one effective way to approach mentoring others. In preparation for this training in London, I read “Coaching 101” by Robert Logan and Sherilyn Carlton. There is a specific coaching process they lay out in their book. Here is the process with accompanying questions:

Relate
How are you doing? Where are you now? How can I be praying for you? What do you want to address? How can we work together?

Reflect
What can we celebrate? What’s really important? What obstacles are you facing? Where do you want to go? How committed are you?

Refocus
What do you want to accomplish? What are possible ways to get there? Which path will you choose? What will you do (who, what, when, where, how)? How will you measure your progress?

Resource
What resources will you need to accomplish your goals (people, finances, knowledge, etc.)? What resources do you already have? Where will you find the resources you need? What can I do to support you?

Review
What’s working? What’s not working? What are you learning? What needs to change? What else needs to be done? What further training would be helpful?

Wouldn’t you have loved to sit down with someone at some point in your life and have them ask you these questions over a period of weeks and really listen? Maybe you need that right now. And there are probably people in your life who need it right now. You don’t have to know all the answers to be effective in helping others grow.

Got Hunger?

As I’ve perused best and worst lists of the past decade, and political and economic journalists doling out grim forecasts for Ukraine I have reflected and thought about having great expectations for the next decade.

What were your memorable moments and milestones of the past decade? What are you looking forward to in the next? Do you think the best days are in the past?

If so, I pray God will lift you up to a place of faith and hunger for Him. It is far better to start the day with joyful expectation of the goodness of God, daring to believe, dream and walk it out by faith. Let’s cultivate the anticipation of a child on Christmas morning, but not for material things.

I was thinking about momentum and what is the impetus that sets life in motion in a positive direction. And then what causes life to continue in motion towards something positive without detours or bad trips to undesirable places, no stopping by the side of the road with head down in despair. And it seemed faith was the impetus. But then there seemed to be something more fundamental, more raw and essential. And that essential is the heart captured in worship of God and all that He is in His greatness and lovingkindness. Then faith to do a certain thing or move forward in a specific direction has its place because we are close enough to God to know His heartbeat and fight discouragement. “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.”
(Romans 10:17)

But I didn’t stay there. I began to think about what keeps people from that fundamental place of living out a life of devotion to God, being satisfied in Him. So that led me to think about hunger itself. Every human being on the face of the earth hungers in their soul. So the question is, what do you pursue and does it make you dull towards God? If you seek satisfaction in things other than God (material possessions, personal success, status, harmful addictions, etc.) you may not realize your deficit at first, but they will leave you empty.

So I leave you with a challenge: Don’t start with the usual New Year’s resolutions or goal-setting. Begin the year by setting your heart right. Consider praying and fasting and commit to the basics, like reading the Bible. When our hearts are rightly set, good things will follow and we can recognize them.

Do those things that cause you to flourish in God.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David.”
(Isaiah 55:1-3)

"Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord!" (Psalm 31:24)

Relationships: Tearing Down the Walls

When I was preparing to speak on the topic of marriage recently, I searched for the right image to portray common difficulties and the need to develop a lifestyle of forgiveness, healthy communication and showing love towards one another in practical ways that can be felt. Then this image of the wall came to mind.

This scenario often happens in marriage: The wife feels misunderstood by her husband, so she lays down a brick between them. The husband thinks she doesn't show him respect, so he lays down a brick. She tries to pour out her heart to him, but he is headed out the door and doesn’t have time. Another brick. Burnt toast in the morning, another brick in the wall. Sometimes a wall is erected overnight when there is major trauma in a marriage, such as abuse or an affair. But there may be a small window left through which the two of them communicate civilly day in and day out. An occasional arrow is shot through the small opening, but the two of them continue to go through the motions of life on each side. They may even pray and serve others in many ways. The veneer of relationship remains while they deny or minimize the presence of the wall which stands between them.

Enter God’s plan for marriage. There is no relationship like it on earth, that is why the battle rages hot and strong to ruin this powerful, precious, most intimate of all earthly relationships. It is meant to represent the relationship between Christ and His church, providing a loving model for generations. When a couple settles for a marriage that is barely alive, then the damage reaches far beyond the hollowness of their own lives. Many people don’t believe they can find that place of closeness and love again. Like a driver who keeps running into trees and gets a new car thinking that will solve the problem, people often leave a relationship when difficulties arise only to run into the same problems again. Problems in relationships don’t solve themselves, healthy relationships can be learned.

Love is wasted on saints, love was meant for sinners (Mike Mason, “The Mystery of Marriage”). Marriage puts two people in the vice grip of love where feelings alone are not enough. The need for unconditional love, God’s love is apparent. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Cor. 13:4-6)

Do you sense a wall in your relationship?
Here are a few ways to tear down the wall and build a stronger marriage:

1. Grow in forgiveness
2. Learn to respond instead of react
3. Choose “we” over “me” when making decisions
4. Create boundaries to protect your relationship in place of walls that divide
5. Have a date night, coffee, lunch, or whatever works with your schedule
6. Talk and pray through issues and concerns periodically, but not on your date!
7. Learn the love language of your spouse (gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, touch, quality time) - Gary Chapman
8. Get help and advice from others when needed

T: The Terrestrial

Terrestrial – of or relating to the earth or its inhabitants; worldly; mundane in scope or character.

Recently I have been saddened by the "me-centered", so-called Christian messages out there. In Eastern Europe, many people have been duped into investing, and then losing, large sums of money by believing they would become millionaires if only they would invest in so-called Christian schemes. Then there is the teaching that God is all about making your dreams come true. Follow God, and you will be fulfilled – yes, you will, but not usually according to your wishes and desires. Often there are sacrifices that lead you to grow in your understanding and relationship to God, leading to even greater fulfillment and dreams that do not revolve around you.

Error #1: It’s all about me

I like mini Coopers. In our neighborhood in the center of Kiev there are four of them and when I go for a run, I pass all of “my” mini Coopers and admire them. One Saturday morning I returned home from my run and mentioned to my daughter with her friends present that one of my mini Coopers was dented. My daughter, Abbi, said to her friends “She’s just imagining it. I mean, they are really there, but they are not hers.” I had an immediate flash-forward to me at age 85 sitting in a nursing home and Abbi trying to convince the nurse that I do not belong in the dementia ward. I had, in fact, lived in Ukraine, New York and the Philippines, and yes, my stories were true. If life orbited around me, if life orbited around you, there would not be enough material possessions to satisfy. Our souls tend towards addiction and cannot be fulfilled by focusing on our desires. It is a trap that will hurt ourselves and others and keep us from all that God has for us. And sooner or later, we do grow old and leave this world, leaving our material possessions behind.

Pitfall: If you look to God as a formula for your personal blessing and happiness, then when things don’t turn out as you expected, you may bail out of relationships and turn away from God.

Error #2: It’s all about this life

Then there is the “save the world by our own efforts and goodness” approach. It sounds like this: let’s create programs to help people and do what we can to bring about a world of peace and harmony, but let’s leave out the offensive parts of the Bible, such as heaven and hell and sin. People don’t really need to hear that kind of teaching, it would just turn them away . . . or turn them to the God who loves them and offers salvation and new life.

Pitfall: You may end up lost and leading others astray with no life-giving, redeeming message at all.

The Christ-Centered Life

When our lives are God-centered through faith in Jesus Christ, we are freed from our small, sinful, out of synch worlds and brought into the fullness of His love and purposes, uniting us in healthy, vibrant relationships with others. And with the assurance of life after death in heaven for all eternity.

Any other message disappoints.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”

(Colossians 3:1-5)

Keeping it Simple and Real

Sometimes life feels like a juggling act where one wrong move could send everything crashing in bedlam. Be kind to others. Look your best. Serve with excellence. Be smart. Use your talents well. Tend to all of your relationships. Meet deadlines. Stay fit. And all the while still smiling.

But I am tired of excellence at the moment and want to spend a bohemian summer reading some great books, writing and loving people, maybe even wear hemp clothing and funky jewelry. And as I am encouraged by God, I want to consider how to encourage others better and how to reach the young generation more effectively. And of course I want to get out and exercise in the beautiful summer weather and have fun with family and friends. And play my flute.

But wait, this is starting to sound like the same list, only packaged differently. The difference is that it is grace-oriented, not task-oriented, and fueled and refreshed by love. I am a choleric artist, an oxymoron, I know. Don’t try this at home. I am as driven as a race car driver with an idealism that is always elusive. I think I understand how Thoreau felt when he wrote: “Our life is frittered away by detail. . . Simpilicity, simplicity, simplicity!”

This morning I ran four miles and ate a bowl of cherries. Ukrainian cherries are the best. I am writing this in my “Drops of Jupiter” jeans and flip flops at one of my favorite neighborhood coffee shops. I think I will spend the summer this way and take it on into the fall, simplified and streamlined, not wearied by the minutiae of detail. Hey, maybe I can even spell something out of it. You know, one of those acronyms:

S eek God
I nvest talents wisely
M ake disciples
P lay often
L ove others
E njoy life

Real SIMPLE, that’s it, she writes with a smile as she sips her cappuccino and spends time with the important people in her life. (Painting of our region, Podol, in Kiev.)

"But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
(Luke 10:41-42, NLT)

"Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."
(Matt. 6:33, The Message)

Rehearsing Goodness

God, it’s gorgeous. I see the flowering pink and white trees outside my second-story window, the glint of sun in the billowy clouds juxtaposed to the darkness of an impending spring shower. Just a few weeks before we leave this house in the woods outside Kiev, I look at my surroundings with fresh appreciation.

Change. Again. But the move is only across town to a high-ceilinged beautiful flat in my favorite old part of the city. The benefits of close proximity to people and places make it a good move. The fact is, change never lets up. It is a relentless march from childhood to old age or an inviting journey of wonder and new opportunities, beckoning us to grow and stretch in response. Take your pick. The challenge, from my standpoint, is smiling at the future.

Old painful scenarios can play out in our minds as a script from the past that we want to tear up and throw away. We want a new script where the heart does not hide and the repeating cycle of longing, fulfillment and letting go always leads to new possibilities in light of the deep, abiding constant of the unfailing love and faithfulness of God.

Yes, in light of this, smiling at the future is not empty-headed optimism. Swine flu and economic crisis, people coming and going, the landscape always changes. I was saved from sappy sentimentality just now because I don’t see a rainbow filling the sky with color as the rain begins to fall. When I was a small child, blonde curls bouncing, my father instilled in me the confidence I needed for life. I lived in trust and security, which seemed to stretch on forever. Years were eons compared to what they are now. Now they pass by rapid-fire.

And my heavenly Father says, “Trust, trust me. It is going to be good because I am with you, leading you, and I am good." Yes, mightily good.

“Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.” (Psalm 23:6)

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.” (Proverbs 31:25)

Keeping Passion Alive

Is your passion for life at a low, embers about to burn out, at a high or somewhere in between? It is important to carry out our responsibilities regardless of emotion, but some things are hard to initiate or fight for without passion, such as being so moved by injustice that we must act, having the heart to go the extra mile to help someone in need, or engaging emotionally and joyfully with the people in our lives. These are only a few examples where duty alone is rarely enough. We need passion.

The reasons we lose passion don't have to be mysterious or attributed to our ability to simply flip an emotional switch. First, let’s look at the meaning of the word. One meaning of passion is eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity. It is synonymous to zeal, which implies energetic and unflagging pursuit of an aim or devotion to a cause; a strong liking or devotion to some activity, object, or concept. In short, it is about desire and motivation. Last week at International Christian Assembly in Kiev, Paul Pierquet addressed 7 specific things that can rob us of passion. Here are the points, borrowed from Rick Warren’s message.

1. Unbalanced schedule
Too much to do, too little time. Is every commitment on your schedule necessary? Do your top priorities get crowded out because you don’t have the time for them? Maybe it is time to refocus and do less or do what you do more efficiently, cutting out time wasters.

2. Unused talent
Do you find that you actually become more energized when you are doing what you do best? All the better if your vocation matches your talents.

3. Unconfessed sin
Sin robs us of passion, joy and peace because it gets in the way of our relationship with God. It also hurts others. But when we ask for forgiveness, we are cleansed, refreshed and strengthened to walk in ways that please God.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9)

4. Unresolved conflict
Trying to move forward with unresolved conflict can be like trying to hold a ball underwater; it keeps popping up. Long-term conflict is wearisome. Constructively working through our conflicts can not only help renew passion, but strengthen our relationships. We can’t be problem free, but we can have peace and strength when we deal with conflict together.

5. Unsupported lifestyle
We are created to flourish in community (family, church), caring for and encouraging one another. Isolation from others is simply not conducive to health.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another . . .”
(Hebrews 10:23-24)

6. Unclear purpose
Laboring to no purpose, with no goal in sight, and no hope of breakthrough can rob anyone of passion. But clearly defined purpose and expectations serve to motivate. Even better to purposefully use our talents, serving others.

7. Undernourished spirit
Not only do our physical bodies require nourishment and care, our spirits do as well. We need to devote a part of our day to prayer and Bible study. We never “grow out” of our need for spiritual nourishment.

If we can remove the “un” from any of these we may find in our lives and pursue health in these areas, we may find our passion renewed.

Only One Messiah

Approaching election time, people are acutely concerned about the future of our nation. People I know can usually agree on the problems we face as a nation, such as the economy, but are polarized over policies and candidates. While it would be ideal to have a President who embraces all of the values I cherish, that is rare. I don't underestimate the importance of leadership in critical times (Ex: Reagan, Churchill), but no man, save one, is our Messiah.

A fellow missionary recently talked about her experience in a missionary training school. The first day they walked into the classroom, the instructor had written on the board: "You are far worse off than you think you are." And then: "The Gospel is far greater than you realize." Understanding this is key. Yes, we need Jesus Christ to change our lives and then, to take personal responsibility to represent Him in changing the world.

To extrapolate, as Jim Collins stated in his book Good to Great, we have to confront the brutal facts first, while never losing faith. When we consider this critical juncture in our nation, and in the world, the facts are brutal. In the area of the economy alone, the mountain of personal and national debt is like Everest. We have to own the problem, meaning that we take personal responsibility to live within our means, get out of debt, and do what we can on a broader scale, even if it is at a grassroots level.

A compelling need to act comes from being informed about the true state of affairs, and then, when the well of false hope runs dry, to embrace a solid faith that leads to action. A friend, Day, recently commented about how one cannot promote self-reliance and government expansion at the same time. Through teaching high school students Government, Economics and Worldviews at a school for missionary kids in Kiev, he is influencing the next generation of leaders because, as Lincoln said "the philosophy of the classroom today will be the philosophy of government tomorrow."

What can you do?

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."
Galations 5:6

"There is no worse mistake in public leadership than to hold out false hopes soon to be swept away."
Winton Churchill

Thoughts of the Day

More “thoughts of the day” while in NYC with my daughter.

1. Don’t be seduced by the dark side

The dark side doesn’t look dark at the outset, but we are tempted to pursue what looks good to us on the surface because it seems fulfilling. I shared the “sexy carrot” cartoon in Donald Miller’s "Blue Like Jazz" with my daughter and we had a good laugh. The gist of it is that Don Rabbit saw sexy carrot, chased her to New York, then to the moon and finally caught her. The moral of the story: “If you work hard, stay focused, and never give up, you will eventually get what you want in life.” But then he choked on sexy carrot and died, leading to the second moral of the story: “Sometimes the things we want most in life are the things that will kill us.” Be discerning and aware of the spiritual battle.

2. Treat all people with kindness and compassion

New York is multi-cultural, so when we were running along the Boardwalk in Brooklyn, there were more Russians, Asians and Middle Eastern people than people who looked like us. Every kind of person, race and religion exist side by side. Jews and Palestinians pass one another along the Boardwalk. I had an opportunity to encourage and pray for a Muslim Palestinian woman in a store. Her husband made abusive comments and left the store, so she closed herself in a dressing room, crying. I had been talking with her and her children a few minutes earlier, so I coaxed her out and talked with her. When we are aware and open, opportunities to show care towards people are everywhere.

“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can.”

John Wesley

3. Protect your walk with God as your most-valued relationship

Keep that priority no matter what changes, hectic schedules, upheavals or joys come along in life. But remember that it is God who is keeping you, not your own abilities to be good and go through the motions of faith. Keep it alive. Keep it real. Stay close to Jesus.

"Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah."

Ephesians 2:5-6 (The Message)

4. Know you are loved

Period. Good times and bad. Difficulties and triumphs. Successes and failures. Fat or thin. Bad hair day or good. Through laughter and tears. You have tremendous value as a person and a dynamic purpose in God. Your uniqueness is celebrated.

Lessons in New York City

I am enjoying three weeks in one of my favorite cities, New York. Never mind the sweltering July heat, give me the streets of Manhattan, the lush green beauty of Central Park and the off-beat artistic vibe of SoHo. I am enjoying every day while my daughter is participating in an advanced creative writing workshop for high school students at Columbia University. It is a great opportunity for her, and a wonderful opportunity for us to spend time together in the city we both love during the summer of her sixteenth birthday. On the first day of her program, I started giving her my “thought of the day” to make our time memorable and encouraging, so here are my lessons for my daughter in New York.

1. Believe that anything is possible
After the first day of her program, I told her that I brought her to New York so she would believe that anything is possible. She loves to write and Columbia is the top university for writing and journalism. After she got in, someone offered to pay her tuition and someone else bought her a laptop computer. So, instead of seeing the impossibilities, we should pursue God and our dreams and see what can happen.

“And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes.”
Mark 9:23

2. Use your talents to make a difference
Talents are gifts to be used to make a difference, not just to say, “Hey, I have a talent, look at me.” That is an important lesson to learn early in life.

“Do what you can, where you are, with what you have.”
Teddy Roosevelt

3. You, too, can be an artist
We went to MOMA, the Museum of Modern Art, and this was the thought I had as we left after viewing one canvas painted entirely in black and another entirely in white. Sometimes simple is genius, but not in that case.

4. Anything is possible, by determination and the grace of God
We have to work at things in life, even when some things come easily for us, to hone our skills. But most of all, we need the grace of God to accomplish anything worth accomplishing. I will paraphrase an example Pastor Brett Fuller gave last night at the Morningstar New York service. When his young son gave him a Christmas gift, he was so pleased as his father opened it, but the money for the gift was not his own. He had to purchase the gift with his father’s money. In the same way, anything we accomplish for God is because God Himself has “given us the money” or the abilities, strength and grace to do so. Therefore, we should humbly and thankfully acknowledge the work of God in our lives.

“For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever!"
Romans 11:36

I will elaborate on four more in my next post.

Not Giving Up: Part 3

The Hope of Calling

Can you imagine a symphony orchestra without a conductor? A team without a coach? A book without an author? Or, God forbid, a wedding without a groom?

When someone pursues calling and purpose in life without acknowledging a “Caller”, the attempt is futile. One popular author who does not mention God tries to infuse life’s work with meaning by referring to “the summons of that which needs doing”. That has about as much appeal as fizzless Coke, and can lead to extremes of becoming either a dogmatic addict or a disillusioned drop-out.

In his book The Call, Os Guinness offers a well-spring of life in his definition: “Calling is the truth that God calls us to himself so decisively that everything we are, everything we do, and everything we have is invested with a special devotion, dynamism, and direction lived out as a response to his summons and service.”

First, He calls us to Himself.
Then, He calls us to use the abilities He has given us to serve others.

Guinness relates the story of Alexander Solzhenitsyn, who was an aimless writer before his horrible experience in the Russian Gulag. Later, he was miraculously cured of cancer and met a Jewish believer who led him to faith in Jesus Christ. He had an increasing sense of calling to put “the dying wish of millions” on record. His did just that in many volumes, including The Gulag Archipelago, which had a profound impact on my life.

Many people can remember a moment during childhood when they felt joyfully awakened to what they love to do, whether in the area of music, sports, art, medicine, science, teaching or whatever. Do you remember such a time? Often it is forgotten when the stresses of life threaten to overwhelm us.

The same is true of God. There are times when He seeks us out and wants to reveal Himself to us, drawing us to know Him and embark on the journey that He has planned for our lives. Conducting the most breathtaking symphony we have ever heard. Coaching us to not give up during a difficult season, while assuring us that victory is ahead. Writing our story for others to read and come in contact with the love He seeks to reveal through our lives. And walking with us in a loving relationship that lasts into eternity. Are you listening?

Hear the call.

Not Giving Up: Part 2

The Power of Relationship

I don’t have statistics, but people don’t usually implode or explode and take a dramatic exit stage left in life when they are vitally connected and embraced in loving, affirming, life-giving relationships. But when you try to believe you have great worth against overwhelming life experience to the contrary, you become schizophrenic, in a sense. If people treat you like trash for long enough, you are likely to believe it and the climb out of the rubbish heap into the light of day is not easy.

Yesterday I went to hear Josh McDowell, well-known author and speaker with Campus Crusade, speak to a group of leaders about the need to build relationships with young people if we want them to accept our values and follow our beliefs. From birth, we are wired for relationship. Parent to child, husband to wife, friend to friend, colleague to colleague, we don’t get very far or even survive without relationship and the quality of our relationships should always come before what we want to accomplish in life.

He gave seven principles of building relationships with our children or youth. As I went for a run in the park in Kiev later that day, I began to think about how these principles extend into our adult lives. We have to receive these principles for ourselves and let go of the lack or negatives we have experienced relationally so we can give to the young people who need us so much and model our values as an example for them to follow. (Hint: We can receive it from God and find healthy relationships.) My love language must be motion, because I have some of the most refreshing, insightful moments while I am running or just after.

Here are his seven principles with a few of my comments:

1. Affirmation
Affirming the emotions of another person gives a sense of authenticity to what they are experiencing and builds a bridge. If someone is sad, share their sorrow. If someone is happy, share their joy. (Rom.12:15)

2. Acceptance
Unconditional acceptance gives a sense of security. A performance-based home will not experience the joy intended. The child will think: “If I don’t perform, I will not be accepted.” Don’t acknowledge their success as much as their effort. Don’t acknowledge their effort as much as their being.

3. Appreciation
Catch children doing things right and express appreciation as the overall principle instead of catching them doing something wrong and disciplining them. You lose the right to discipline when it is outside of relationship.

4. Availability
When you stop what you are doing and take time for them, this shows them they are important.

5. Affection
When a young person receives healthy affection they are less likely to seek the wrong kind of relationship.

6. Approach/ Step into your child’s world
Be a part of their world, their music, their interests and take the time to connect with them there.

7. Accountability
This comes with relationship. Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.