When She Wakes, She Will Move Mountains – Thoughts on Raising Girls

More than 200 Nigerian schoolgirls, age sixteen to eighteen, were abducted a few weeks ago by an al-Qaida-linked terrorist group, Boko Haram, which means "Western education is forbidden". They were taken from their school, loaded into trucks, and disappeared into the darkness of a dangerous world. Like the wonderful daughters I love, these girls were about to finish their final year of school. While none have been rescued, a few managed to escape their captors. As I read the news, I was angered and saddened by yet another assault on girls. 

At home, in school, and in our communities, girls should be protected, encouraged and celebrated instead of oppressed and abused. As I thought about how we can protect girls, my thoughts turned to raising my own daughters who are now eighteen and twenty one. I want to share a few insights into how we can encourage our girls to become confident young women who know they are deeply loved, are ready to offer their gifts to the world, and view the world through possibility rather than limitation.

First, let’s look at the example Jesus gave us. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “Jesus gave women human dignity ... Prior to Jesus, women were regarded as inferior beings, religiously speaking.” During Jesus’ lifetime, women were not commonly educated and often remained indoors. When a girl was born, she was often left to die. Yet the longest conversation recorded between Jesus and another person is in John 4 when he asked the Samaritan woman at the well for a drink, upsetting his disciples.

Jesus engaged in a deeply theological and personal conversation with her, taking seriously her thoughts and questions. As John Ortberg observed in his book, Who is this Man?, “Is it any wonder she could not stop talking about this man? Jesus was doing something very subversive. He was treating a woman like someone who had her own identity.” He freely offered salvation to male and female, Jew and Samaritan, with the same potency, slaking her thirst forever. This man was worth rushing into the city to tell everyone about.

Again, Jesus treated women against the grain of the culture in the story of Mary and Martha. Often people teach this story as a lesson about avoiding busy-ness, but no one in the first century would have seen it that way. To sit at someone’s feet, as Mary does in this story, meant to be someone’s disciple. Martha did what the culture valued in women—cooking and cleaning. Yet Mary did what the culture valued in men—she became a disciple. And Jesus honored her choice.

As the early Church took root and spread, there was a marked difference in the treatment of girls: They were no longer routinely left to die or exploited sexually. They were no longer the property of the head of household, or paterfamilias under Roman law, who could decide if they would live or die. Their identity and worth began to return to God—in whose image they had been divinely created.

For those of us who have daughters, we must first keep in mind that they are created in God’s image. They belong to him and are entrusted to us as parents. If our culture does not support a Christian worldview of raising girls, then we face a greater challenge. If we grew up without the love and guidance we needed from our own parents, then we face a greater challenge. Still, this generation desperately needs for us to stand up and make a difference in the lives of girls – our own daughters and the girls who may be abused or oppressed in our cultures. We cannot stand by silently.

Insights on raising girls

1. Love them unconditionally

Because God loves us completely and unwaveringly, we can love fully – with our heart, mind, soul and strength shown through words, actions, and affirming touch (lots of snuggles, sometimes with tea and a good movie or a good book)

2. Engage their world

Listen to their questions and struggles while offering understanding and guidance. Look for teachable moments when they are open to talk, even if you have to put aside what you are doing. For us, this often seemed to happen at bedtime.

3. Play with them

Enjoy music and laugh with them. I remember many tea parties, imaginary worlds with stuffed animals, games, and fun outdoors with our girls. Then again, our girls didn’t play video games or use computers when they were little.

4. Stand up for them and believe in them

Dads, be their heroes. We chased many monsters out from under their beds and from their closets. But we also taught them that God is with them, so they do not have to be afraid.

5. Encourage their dreams and interests

Don’t force them into your mold or attempt to fulfill your dreams through them. God has a purpose for their lives.

6. Provide clear boundaries

When they are older, offer guidelines and help them make wise choices.

7. Foster a love of learning

Books and curiosity about the world were considered fun adventures in our home.

8. Don't reinforce gender stereotypes in learning
Yes, girls can be logical and excel in science and math. I taught our girls critical thinking skills and logic and when one of our girls struggled in math, my husband encouraged her that "her smartness would come out" as she kept working at it. It has. She is an A student in all her subjects, including math.

9. Teach them to: 

• Respect their parents, others and themselves.
• Be faithful, excellent in their work, and finish what they start.
• Be strong and confident. Gentleness, compassion, and femininity are also strong. “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” – Margaret Thatcher

10. Help them realize:

• Their power comes from their purity.
• Their sexuality and beauty are God-given. No one has a right to exploit them. 
• Their gifts and talents are valuable, should be developed, and offered to bless the world and serve others.
• Motherhood is honorable and valuable.

Reflections on Easter in Ukraine: Tradition and Resurrection Life

The Easter festivities of childhood carry a magical quality, and we often re-enter wonder through our children. We lived in Lviv, Ukraine when our girls were growing up. The city bloomed with Spring flowers and girls in diaphanous, floral dresses days before everyone came out with their woven Easter baskets carrying freshly-baked Paska bread covered with brightly-embroidered cloths. I searched the outdoor art bazaar where artisans sold their crafts for an Easter cloth that depicted Christ instead of pisanky (Easter eggs). I bought one with purple embroidered flowers surrounding a cross with the words “Christ is Risen” in gold. It’s one of the few items I still have from Ukraine. Through Scripture reading and worship, we kept Jesus Christ at the center of our celebrations.

Traditions, when they reiterate eternal, powerful truths, point our hearts toward God. But it’s possible to get caught up in the traditions and festivities of Easter and miss the point. In Ukraine, people beat their rugs, hose down the sidewalks, and sometimes forego pleasures during Lent in preparation for Easter, but do we prepare our hearts by meditating on who He is and what He has done for us? On Holy Friday, church bells in Europe ring a somber death knell all morning in remembrance of Jesus’ death on the cross. We need to pause and look deeply into its significance.

And when we do, we need to bring the dreams that shaped our childhood. We need to bring the longings of our hearts. Our deepest longings and needs are fulfilled on the cross, though not in a way many would suspect. Also, we need to bring our fears and sorrows, our disappointment, shame of failure and rejection. The cutting words that hurt us still. The Judas who betrayed us. The sudden death of someone we loved. He conquered them all on the cross, which gives us victory and hope.

Then, turning away from our self-centered worlds, we need to bring the hopes and sorrows of others. The millions who are trafficked and enslaved, the children orphaned by sickness or war, the politicians who compromise while the world stands by and watches injustice, the grief of parents whose children died on the ferry off the coast of Korea. Think of God's dreams for his creation, and His sorrow at its ruin. As we consider the cross, look at the face of Jesus who bore our sin and suffering, yet was without sin. If the story ended at the cross, we would be without hope. Yet He was not like any other man.

The waiting on Saturday after Jesus died must have been excruciating, but who would expect the resurrection? His followers were most likely despondent rather than hopeful. He failed to become their earthly King. His followers weren’t sure what His promises meant but, if true, they were earth-shaking and would take the world apart and put it together again in an entirely new way.

In Ukraine, early on Easter morning before the break of day, the church bells start ringing in triumph as the joyful sound fills the streets. Religious people tried to keep Jesus safely dead as some people do today, but guards placed at the tomb couldn’t hold back God who conquered death and hell. “The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Cor. 15:56-57) He is the resurrection and the life. When asked whether he was an optimist or a pessimist, the British theologian and missionary, Lesslie Newbigin, answered “I am neither an optimist, nor a pessimist. Jesus Christ is risen from the dead!” This one great truth can radically reshape our thinking and living. We need to ask ourselves during this season, has it reshaped our thinking and living? Surrender to Him, and then watch Him transform everything with joy and hope. The same power that raised Him from the dead resides in us who believe.

One Good Friday in Kiev, Ukraine I visited Sophia’s Cathedral and saw a mosaic of the face of Mary covering an entire wall. As I walked closer, I realized that the mosaic was made of 15,000 colorfully painted Easter eggs. While I enjoyed the beauty of tradition, I didn’t want the focus to be taken away from Jesus. “For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.” (1 Tim. 2:5) And we are strengthened when we "fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:2-3)

My favorite Ukrainian Easter tradition was the way everyone greeted one another on Easter Sunday. Everywhere we went that day, people said, “Jesus is risen!” We would respond, “He is risen indeed.”

Let us live each day joyfully trusting in the power of His resurrection.