A Perspective on Thanksgiving

My friend in Beijing, China sent a greeting today and thanked me for her first and last “warming and touching” Thanksgiving celebration she experienced with my family many years ago. As she goes on “compliance leave” from work for a week, I try to imagine November without Thanksgiving, without a fresh reminder of the faithfulness of God, celebration with friends and family, and anticipation of Christmas, the advent of the Saviour into our troubled world. It seems that the whole of November culminates in turning our hearts toward God in gratitude.

Christianity is growing in China at a rapid rate, so on any given day many do give thanks to God for the eternal hope they have found. Expressing gratitude to God against the backdrop of trials causes me to think of Jewish friends as the advent of Hanukkah, the festival of lights, coincides with Thanksgiving this year and the Pilgrims who celebrated the first Thanksgiving feast in 1621 in their new world. When our hope is fixed on the eternal, we hold all things lightly, and with reverence and joy. And the worries of this world loosen their grip.

Here is a glimpse into the difficulties the pilgrims encountered. Landing in New England after a treacherous journey being tossed on the ocean for more than two months, the Pilgrims carried a missionary fervor to be a “stepping stone of the light of Christ in a new land.” Around ninety members of the Wampanoag tribe joined them for the Thanksgiving feast, but among the one hundred pilgrims who boarded the Mayflower, only fifty-three remained alive.

Many died during the harsh realities of the first winter from exposure, scurvy or other diseases. They had arrived in a howling wilderness without warm inns, prepared food or anyone to greet them. William Bradford wrote: “Being thus passed the vast ocean, and a sea of troubles before in their preparation they had now no friends to welcome them, nor inns to entertain or refresh their weatherbeaten bodies, no houses or much less towns to repair too, to seek for succor. And for the season it was winter, and they that know the winters of that country know them to be sharp and violent, and subject to cruel and fierce storms, dangerous to travel to known places, much more to search and unknown coast. Besides, what could they see but a hideous and desolate wilderness, full of wild beasts and wild men? And what multitudes there might be of them they knew not. What could now sustain them but the spirit of God and his grace? May not and ought not the children of these fathers, rightly say: ‘Our fathers were Englishmen which came over this great ocean, and were ready to perish in this wilderness.”

Blown off course by the storms, they had not landed upon the land of their charter, so they wrote a new charter, the Mayflower Compact, stating why they sailed to the new world.“In the name of God, Amen. We, whose names are underwritten, the loyal subjects of our dread sovereign lord, King James, by the grace of God, of Great Britain, France, and Ireland King, defender of the faith, having undertaken for the glory of God, and advancement of the Christian faith, and honor of our King and country, a voyage to plant the first colony in the northern parts of Virginia, do by these presents, solemnly and mutually, in the presence of God and one of another, covenant and combine ourselves together into a civil body politic.” However, their unity was quickly challenged during difficult times.

At the first Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims may have prayed a prayer like the following Puritan prayer:

“O My God, Thou fairest, greatest, first of all objects, my heart admires, adores, loves thee, for my little vessel is as full as it can be, and I would pour out all that fullness before thee in ceaseless flow. When I think upon and converse with thee ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up, ten thousand sources of pleasure are unsealed, ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart, crowding into every moment of happiness. I bless thee for the soul thou hast created, for adorning it, for sanctifying it, though it is fixed in barren soil; for the body thou hast given me, for preserving its strength and vigour, for providing senses to enjoy delights, for the ease and freedom of my limbs, for hands, eyes, ears that do thy bidding; for thy royal bounty providing my daily support, for a full table and overflowing cup, for appetite, taste, sweetness, for social joys of relatives and friends, for ability to serve others, for a heart that feels sorrows and necessities, for a mind to care for my fellow-men, for opportunities of spreading happiness around, for loved ones in the joys of heaven, for my own expectation of seeing thee clearly. I love thee above the powers of language to express, for what thou art to thy creatures. Increase my love, O my God, through time and eternity.”

During this season, let us delight in Him who created us for His pleasure.

The Art of Conflict Resolution

“In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves.” 

Abraham J. Heschel

The longer my husband and I are involved in ministry, the more we find ourselves helping people, couples, teams, and organizations solve problems. Life and ministry are rife with problems. The moment you try to move forward and accomplish anything worth doing you will meet roadblocks, snafus and encounter people who have different viewpoints.

Sometimes a great deal is at stake when you are helping solve problems. Sometimes a marriage, a ministry or organization that impacts many lives.

Before I delve into this, let me issue a disclaimer. I am not the ideal person to write about problem solving. My husband is very good at it. He waltzes through complex problems, getting people to shake hands when they are done and feel good about the outcome. Most of the time. And he doesn’t make enemies in the process.

Me? I often view it as a chore. Hopefully I have matured, but my tendency was to cut to the chase and tell everyone involved the truth. But that can shut down communication and hinder forward movement if the person is not ready. I wanted to deal with the root issue and perform open-heart surgery,  Thankfully, I am not the Great Physician. God is and we are His minsters of reconciliation.

What if problem solving could be viewed more like an art? What if we could feel invigorated as we respond to conflict and help others through it instead of sapped of our strength? Not all stress is negative. Eustress is defined as "stress that is healthy, or gives one a feeling of fulfillment or other positive feelings. Eustress is a process of exploring potential gains." Potential gains. If we respond to conflict biblically, we and those we help can experience great gain. The central focus of conflict resolution is the Gospel. We can make peace with one another through love and forgiveness only because God has made peace with us through Jesus Christ. When we receive His forgiveness and love, we are transformed into His likeness and can break free from harmful patterns of dealing with conflict.

This week I heard a speaker from Peacemaker Ministries talk about how to respond to conflict biblically. First he outlined the common escape and attack tendencies we resort to when conflict arises. The escape responses include denial or flight. We don’t want to deal with the problem, so we stay away from the person or people who are involved. Attack responses include assault or litigation. If we lean towards this way of responding, we are more interested in controlling others and getting our way.

Then he outlined four G’s of peacemaking:

Glorify God

Instead of considering our desires and what others may do, depend on God’s forgiveness, wisdom, power and love as we obey Him in every situation.

Get the log out of your eye

Take responsibility for our own contribution to conflict and teach others to do the same. This includes owning up to our sins and seeking to repair any harm we have done.

Gently restore

We can overlook minor offenses, but it the offense is too big to overlook we should seek to restore the person or people involved rather than to condemn. We should also only talk to people about the problem if they are directly involved.

Go and be reconciled

Actively pursue genuine peace and reconciliation. Seek out just and mutually beneficial solutions to differences.

When negotiating between parties, use the PAUSE principle:

(Phil. 2:3-4, Matt. 7:2)

Prepare

Affirm relationships

Understand interests

Search for creative solutions

Evaluate options objectively and reasonably

And lastly, how can we know if true forgiveness has occurred?

We stop dwelling on what happened, we do not use it against the other person, and we do not talk about it with others. (Matt. 6:12, 1 Cor. 13:5, Eph. 4:32)

For more information and resources, go to www.Peacemaker.net

Go to the Nations: Why We Stayed

As a teen in the eighties, I thought God was calling me to missions. God had eclipsed everything else before my eyes, so I surrendered and prayed, “What do you want me to do with my life?” Then a single missionary woman with big hair and a Colgate-commercial smile spoke at my family’s Methodist church. As a deep thinker who didn’t trust people who perpetually smiled, I wondered if I had misunderstood God's call. I started a club to welcome international students to my high school, befriended a girl from a family of Cambodian refugees, and became enthralled by Dostoevsky in English class.

None of my classmates liked the psychological Russian literature, but I felt I had entered a world I belonged to, a world I wanted to interact with and live in as a messenger of God’s potent, loving, eternal prescription for people’s suffering and pain. Turns out the vast, mysterious Soviet Union that had loomed large for as long as I could remember ended and missionaries flooded in. However, very few stayed. So my Trotsky-looking husband, who shares the same heart and sense of calling, and I moved to Ukraine with our baby daughter.

During its shambolic infancy, Ukrainians, hungry for spirituality and truth, readily prayed to receive Christ when we ministered openly on the streets and in public squares. They treasured their gift, a New Testament, like a bar of gold since getting their hands on a Bible was previously almost impossible. In the evenings during a week of outreach, we preached the Gospel at the Dominican Church, which was the former museum of religion and atheism during Soviet times. The inscription on the church, Soli Deo Honor et Gloria, became reality once again as we exalted God with honor and glory to all who came. We were thrilled to be a part of this amazing season of freedom and harvest.

Despite persecution, the underground church in Ukraine was robust. Many Christians we met were heroes of the faith whose relatives had been imprisoned.  Worship in churches was reminiscent of African American communities at the end of slavery. The songs, sung in minor chords, were mixed with tears and joy. As our church formed and we began to disciple people, we learned the reasons for the tears. Stories of pain poured out of people’s souls. Several times during prayer meetings, women who were believers during Soviet times wept with deep regret for their children who grew up with little to no knowledge of God. Out of fear, many did not teach their children the Bible, pray, or share their faith.

As a church we embraced the mission to reach the next generation.

Then we hit a wall. During an outreach in a region of Soviet-built, Lego-like high-rises, three hundred young people stood in an auditorium to commit their lives to Christ. The day before our team befriended groups of students outside the school where we held our evening meeting. The director of the school liked us, so he announced our meeting to the students. My husband, Mike, preached the Gospel with conviction and we were blown away by the students’ spiritual hunger and readiness to accept the Gospel. But within days a powerful person in the region shut us down. The only place willing to rent a room to us was in a remote area without heat during sub-zero winter temperatures. With heavy hearts, we entrusted the precious young people to God and walked away.

Undaunted, we became adept at finding open doors and developed methods, such as life coaching, to engage young people. In recent years, young people have been increasingly open to discussions about God and spirituality as well as caring mentoring as they face uncertainty in a destabilized world.  After years of missionaries serving in Ukraine, our seven churches are now all led by Ukrainians. Their perspectives and influence will take the churches further than we can go. Among their ministries, they have started rehabilitation centers to aid the epidemic number of drug addicts and alcoholics and provided humanitarian and spiritual aid to the poor in the Carpathian Mountain villages.

Yet Europe still desperately needs for missionaries to answer the call.

Panning out to broader Europe, the institutional church is in decline, functioning only as a veneer with a weak impact on culture. The 2012 Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life shows that seventy-five percent of Europeans call themselves Christians, but according to another study, only around four percent follow Jesus and demonstrate a concern about the people around them following Jesus. And some researchers project that by the year 2050 one in every five Europeans will be Muslim. Since the majority of Europeans have never heard the Gospel explained in a relevant way, hope lies in Christians who will live out their faith incarnationally and present compelling reasons for their faith.

Ed Stetzer, Caleb Crider and Larry McCrary outlined five imperatives for church planting in Europe from observing successful trends, stating:

“We believe that Europe is one of the most strategic places in the world at this moment for evangelism. While there are glimmers of hope in Europe, by and large the national churches have declined so much that they no longer have the sending power that they once possessed. Therefore, the lost populations of Europe need people from other parts of the world to come and offer them the hope of the gospel in a relevant way.” 

Church planting must:

1. Be missional/incarnational 

Bold Gospel presentation to people in whom you are socially and spiritually invested.

2. Value tribes 

These existing social circles are churches waiting to happen.

3. Be indigenous 

As long as it is a foreign faith, church, and Gospel, it will not be adopted in any influential sort of way. Leadership must be (at least, in part) local and tribal.

4. Be Spirit led 

Even our very best and innovative strategies are worthless if we're not walking in step-by-step obedience to His Word and Spirit. 

5. Have a mindset to reproduce

If a new church will think about how to reproduce itself from the onset and put that in their strategy, then we will see churches move toward multiplication.

(Why Europe? by Stetzer, Crider and McCrary)

Grace for Young Moms

If I have any sage advice to offer young mothers, I will have to travel back five international moves ago and try to remember what life was like when I was a new mother. When you have a baby, not only does your world rock cataclysmically, but also your body has just been inhabited, used as a rocket launcher to usher new life into the world, and become exhausted in the process. No experience in life is remotely similar. But shouldn’t the heralding of a new life into the world be, well, intense? The passion that let up to it was probably also intense.

As amazing and transformational as it is, the mundane settles in quickly and your world suddenly shrinks to the existence of two people: you and your baby, with an occasional, tired nod to your wonderful husband. While you are trying to navigate new waters, the doting grandmothers and others are sure to offer their help and advice. Usually you welcome it, but sometimes you realize differing views have formed from poring over pages and pages of books while pregnant. You are not a know it all, but you do want it recognized that you have done your homework. You experience unsurpassed, holy moments as you hold your adorable baby and witness many “firsts”. But you also experience the uncharted territory of emotions brought on by sleepless nights, a body that doesn’t seem to bounce back quickly enough to your pre-pregnancy figure and perkiness, and a sense that you have lost your freedom.  

When you watch your husband tenderly love your child, you discover new facets of him that cause you to love him more. And when your child is sick or in danger, your heart stops as you experience a greater degree of unselfish love than you have ever known before. In this way, you catch a greater glimpse of the love God has for us.

But before I offer advice, let me address the idea of  “normal”. Normal is derived from a frame of reference and many women are facing unprecedented new normals such as parenting alone, becoming a mother later in life, trying to balance motherhood with one or more jobs, or finding themselves jobless when they need to work. Some go through depression. Some experience long-term fatigue.  Still, God’s grace penetrating our individual worlds is the primary and lasting answer. My normal was mothering our two girls as babies and toddlers while living in Ukraine during its chaotic infancy after it became independent from the Soviet Union. I was stretched beyond my own strength many times. Far from extended family, our little family unit bonded closely while we forged community with people there through doing life together, serving God together and walking through hardship together. My greatest adventures did not end with motherhood, they had only just begun. 

Here is my advice:

Give yourself and your marriage grace.

Adjusting to this new stage in life takes time. Don’t place unrealistic expectations on yourself or your husband. You may have to pare down your schedule and say no to things. Only a few things are really essential and important. As you settle into a routine, hopefully before your child is five years old, you do have to make time for your marriage. We had a date night every week when our girls were young. When we lived in Ukraine, our dates were very romantic since we could afford ballets and our favorite café’s with live music. At other times, we carved out a date at home, which could be just as nice. 

Embrace the season, it passes quickly. I know this sounds cliché, but it does.

This stage in life is only a season. I often look back on the years when my children were young and remember how precious and fleeting those years were. This may not help when you are tired or overwhelmed, but you may have younger or older friends who are in a different season that can offer help and encouragement. The multi-generational family of God helps us gain perspective when we are losing it. And we all do sometimes.

Even though you are new a mom, be yourself and don’t feel guilty about it.

You probably go through more changes during your twenties than any other time in life. For many modern young women, you pursue your dreams in college, find your soul mate, marry and become pregnant over a relatively brief period of time. This was my experience. I became a mother at twenty four. I remember worrying that I would have to morph into a domestic diva. Even though I cook, enjoy hosting people, and can decorate my home nicely, when I spend time with friends I don’t want to talk about those things. I want to talk about books, the news, or some aspect of faith. I had to learn not to feel guilty about this and to find friends who will connect with me over these things. This became easier as a missionary living overseas. I asked one of my favorite people, Nadia, a Ukrainian who is my mother’s age how she stayed young and vibrant. She said she doesn’t care what people think. She doesn’t bother with comparisons. I also know she pursues her passion as an artist and serves people through her ministry to the poor in the Carpathian Mountains.

Express gratitude and appreciation daily.

I cherished the moments I spent with God in the mornings when my children were young. Sometimes those times were pushed into the evening when my husband was home and available to help, but God was and is the anchor for my soul. Sometimes I would go to a park bench in Lviv, Ukraine near our flat to read, pray and take in the beauty of my surroundings. The simple truths, wonder of life, and the daily adventure I was on with God gave me joy. And many joys came through the uninhibited wonder and discovery I witnessed in my girls

Lastly, no matter what you accomplish in life, you will never regret the time you spend with your children. Because of it, your children can be some of your greatest joys throughout life.