Not Giving Up: Part 2

The Power of Relationship

I don’t have statistics, but people don’t usually implode or explode and take a dramatic exit stage left in life when they are vitally connected and embraced in loving, affirming, life-giving relationships. But when you try to believe you have great worth against overwhelming life experience to the contrary, you become schizophrenic, in a sense. If people treat you like trash for long enough, you are likely to believe it and the climb out of the rubbish heap into the light of day is not easy.

Yesterday I went to hear Josh McDowell, well-known author and speaker with Campus Crusade, speak to a group of leaders about the need to build relationships with young people if we want them to accept our values and follow our beliefs. From birth, we are wired for relationship. Parent to child, husband to wife, friend to friend, colleague to colleague, we don’t get very far or even survive without relationship and the quality of our relationships should always come before what we want to accomplish in life.

He gave seven principles of building relationships with our children or youth. As I went for a run in the park in Kiev later that day, I began to think about how these principles extend into our adult lives. We have to receive these principles for ourselves and let go of the lack or negatives we have experienced relationally so we can give to the young people who need us so much and model our values as an example for them to follow. (Hint: We can receive it from God and find healthy relationships.) My love language must be motion, because I have some of the most refreshing, insightful moments while I am running or just after.

Here are his seven principles with a few of my comments:

1. Affirmation
Affirming the emotions of another person gives a sense of authenticity to what they are experiencing and builds a bridge. If someone is sad, share their sorrow. If someone is happy, share their joy. (Rom.12:15)

2. Acceptance
Unconditional acceptance gives a sense of security. A performance-based home will not experience the joy intended. The child will think: “If I don’t perform, I will not be accepted.” Don’t acknowledge their success as much as their effort. Don’t acknowledge their effort as much as their being.

3. Appreciation
Catch children doing things right and express appreciation as the overall principle instead of catching them doing something wrong and disciplining them. You lose the right to discipline when it is outside of relationship.

4. Availability
When you stop what you are doing and take time for them, this shows them they are important.

5. Affection
When a young person receives healthy affection they are less likely to seek the wrong kind of relationship.

6. Approach/ Step into your child’s world
Be a part of their world, their music, their interests and take the time to connect with them there.

7. Accountability
This comes with relationship. Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.

Not Giving Up: Part 1

The Value of Life

Life. What a gift. Or so it should be. Imagine waking to a day of possibilities as promising as the sun warming your face, but the day takes a turn for the worse. You and your family are marched to the edge of the city to be “resettled” only because of your ethnicity. You are a Jew. As you reach the edge of the city, you realize the horror that awaits you, but it is too late. A corridor of soldiers blocks your escape. They ruthlessly murder you and 33,ooo others,throwing you into a ravine, Babi Yar, on the edge of Kiev.

It was a beautiful spring day last week when we walked along the grassy area that was the site of that massacre. I can never fathom racial hatred and prejudice. I grew up without it, except for a prejudice against those who are prejudiced. Still, it takes a step, many steps further descending into a murderous disdain for life and the accompanying pride that justifies it. Hell. And now reverse it to its polar opposite, and then some, so far removed as to be disconnected. This is where we find love and value for all life, all races of people, young or old, wealthy or poor. All of life bears the mark of its Creator, a glory and potential intended by Him. When connected with the grand designer and sustainer of life, every person has value and every day holds promise. He infuses desperate situations with hope, much like spring after winter.

We see both, heaven and hell, operating in the world. This morning I arranged a meeting with someone to collaborate to put a stop to a horrible situation of abuse at a facility for invalids in this part of the world. We can offer life and hope. We can battle the hatred for life that still raises its ugly head.

And what about you today? Do you see your life as bearing the mark of a wonderful designer who can renew you and inspire you to give life to others? Or do you want to give up because you can only see hopelessness camping out around your pain and making its home in the lies you believe about yourself, about life? Many have been there.

Let it go, I urge you. Be renewed today.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Jesus Christ